Wish & Dead
by fanmin
Summary: Itsuki's memories, about Shinobu's last wish, his own last wish    Shinobu's feelings about being dead, his regret, his wonder - Shinobu/Itsuki
1. Wish

Wish

I remembered the time when you asked me, if I had a wish I wanted you to grant. At then, I kept silent. My eyes and lips remained closed as I concentrated on the tunnel. Though we both knew I heard you clear and fine. You kept talking about this and that, almost as vocal as if you were Minoru. You repeated again how you wanted all human beings, including yourself, to be banished by demons. And you asked, if I had a wish, any wish, that you could grant before you died along.

If only I did answer back then… I smiled bitterly, holding your lifeless body tighter, closer to me. Cause since the first time you told me about that 'wish', I had made mine as well: to possess an ability where I could resurrect you if you died later. I wished I owned Koenma's pacifier, so now I could raise you back to life like how he did to The Game Master.

Answering would do no good… I didn't regret. For I knew you were the one who wanted the death itself. I watched you every second. I accompanied you through everything ever since I met you. Life gave you enough misery. You deserved the death because there, you'd find your eternal peace. As much as I loved you and wanted to be with you, my devotion was eternal, stronger than any bonds existed in any relationship. So I'd let you die.

"Itsuki…" Your calm voice called my name. "I am… nearing my death." Yes, yes… Everything worked the way you planned. The tunnel would finish in within hours. Nothing blocked your way, not even Yusuke could. It was nearing for all humanity's death, nearing your own death. "Last wish. My last wish. Can you grant my last wish?"

You always asked, never forced. And I did everything you asked, not caring if it hurt me or even hurt you yourself. Since I was devoted to you, I was… I am… I will be… "After I die, keep my soul. I don't want to go to Reikai. I don't want Koenma to judge me."

Your last wish was the reason why we were here, in the void of nothingness, yet felt like everything for me. Cause I held you now, though it was more like your shell, so dead, so cold, held no hints of living. I didn't know what broke my heart so. Your last wish had a lot of meanings, at least to me. You trusted your soul's last peace to me. You let me be the only one who could watch you till the very end. The only one…

"Itsuki…" I remembered your calm voice called my name, long ago, back when you were the Reikai Tantei and I was your partner. "I love you." You stared into my eyes. Your words were simple, so Shinobu Sensui being, but contained seriousness and honesty. Love…

The word was strange to my ears. I was a demon. You were a human. The word was not accepted, forbidden, wrong… Maybe, just maybe, your feelings were mutual. I didn't say a word. I was your partner, not a lover. Though the touches and kisses we shared sometimes got across the opposite. Ah, how I longed for them, even a simple hug… Not that I forgot how they felt. I just missed you.

My tears had dried up for crying too often, too much, for remembering memories that for me was priceless but for you perhaps worthless… But I really didn't know what the now me was capable in doing but mourning your death again and again and hugging you tighter…


	2. Dead

Dead

I am dead, I know. But my soul stays, not going anywhere. I see you've granted my last wish, not to let my soul go to the Reikai.

The void's dark and cold. I can see pieces of old buildings floating around in this dimension you created. But I feel warm. It's so obvious why. Your pale arms are hugging my dead body so tight like it's your pillow. Honestly I don't mind. Physical intimacy like this probably would feel awkward back then when my mind was full with the plan, but now it's fine, I even like it.

You're sleeping peacefully. How I wish I can run my hand through those soft blue green strands. How I wish to stare at your now closed beautiful golden eyes...

I never know dying feels this complicated. I feel great loss, yet complete. I don't know where my other personalities go, and actually less care about it. They maybe are also stuck in this dead body, maybe go to see Koenma since Itsuki only did asking to keep me, or maybe just disappear from any dimensions. What I know, I can't feel them. I am now just Shinobu.

My goal is all accomplished. I'm happy to die in a strong demon's hand (technically Yusuke was a demon when he killed me). Finally, all the burdens I have as the Reikai Tantei really finish. But… I feel regret too. This hatred for humanity still exists but I can never make real my plans. Earth is still conquered by those filthy creatures. And, I regret for never treating you properly, Itsuki.

When I was still a Reikai Tantei, I told you I loved you, didn't I? Many things happened that I realize I've never clarified anything until now. I wish I have more chances to shower you with affections. I wish I can show you my gratitude, for loving me despite everything, for being loyal to follow me even after I die...

But here's the fact. I am dead now. I look at your face again. You are a demon, a beautiful demon. I regret not seeing your beauty since the very first and almost killing you. I want to laugh at my young self who thought all demons were evil and all humans were innocent. If only I had chances to make you happy, treated you well back then… I sighed. What's done is done. None of us can raise the dead. I can't do anything but looking at you, making sure that we'll be together for eternity.


End file.
